Be True to Yourself
Being lonely really sucks. But having crappy friends sucks even worse. I haven't talked about this much because to be honest because it is still is a sore spot for me, but I think it's important that I start talking about it in order to heal. As a friend I have always gone above and beyond for my friends but I haven't always gotten the same treatment in return. When this would happen I would feel upset and resentful towards my friends, but yet I would continue to go out of my way for them. This endless cycle I created for myself always left me feeling less than and unlovable because I just couldn't understand why I was constantly in the same situation. Finally I realized that I was doing this to myself over and over by picking friends that didn't put in the same amount of effort in our friendship as I did.
Gradually I stopped calling and texting the friends that I felt fell into this category and suddenly I was left without any friends. On one hand I was hurt because I didn't have anyone to call anymore for a girls day but I was also relieved that I didn't have to continue to get my feelings hurt any longer. It was a harsh reality to digest that the friends you once thought were your whole world didn't really pay much attention when you stopped reaching out. Making the decision to remove myself from the relationships in my life that were hurtful for me was a hard decision to make. I had to decide that loneliness was better than my current situation. and it has been because loneliness passes but I couldn't continue to put myself in the same situation over and over again.
I will admit that the situation has left me feeling vulnerable and scared about ever finding friends that will understand me and want to get to know me. At times I have felt like I did when I was in junior high, unlikeable and uncool, but I know that those feelings will eventually pass too. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other each day and keep moving forward because the one thing that matters most to me in this situation is that I am being true to myself. Sometimes it's hard to be true to yourself but for me it's worth all the tears and lonliness because I know I am doing what is best for me.
