I wish I could say that over the last few weeks since I last posted on my blog I wasn’t slowly being consumed by my panic and anxiety but I’d be lying. The last few days have been the worst and I found myself falling head first into my old familiar dark hole. The smooth and deeply worn paths soothe my fears all the while giving them more fuel to burn and tear through all the progress I’ve made. I stopped doing all the things that I do daily like journaling and taking Beatrice on a walk, to help combat my symptoms and just let myself be consumed by my panic and anxiety.
Today I’m going to celebrate the fact that I made it to work without having a panic attack and I didn’t just drive because I’d be more in control of the situation instead I stuck to my normal routine of commuting with my mom and using public transportation to get home in the evening. It may seems silly but just those two things are what is different about how I feel today and how Ive felt over these last few years. Now I’m able to understand what is happening to me and instead of letting it cripple me and impact my life I’m able to pull myself out of it more quickly than before.
This morning I got up and said to myself “ you’re ok, and you’ll figure it out if something happens” and I went about doing my daily routine just like before this little setback. Because that is and all it was, a setback, not a sign that I will never be able to live a life that isn’t consumed by my panic and anxiety. Even as I write this, I know that it is not true, and that my nerves are just raw and frayed right now and very soon I will be on another up turn on this continuous cycle that is life.
